We just put up a new wiki article on big spiders. Some folks don't much care for the critters, but I must admit to a certain admiration for the great big lugs. At least for the really bulky and impressive ones, not so much the medium-sized skittery beasts that run under the sofa. I do recognize that keeping spiders is a pretty high-maintenance hobby best suited to villains who have a predictable, secure power base or those who can hire a more-or-less full time spider wrangler.

When I was just starting out with my first lair, I made elaborate plans for a long, dark, spider-infested cavern leading to the garage. This was some time ago, before it was common to design a combined hangar/heliport/garage when setting up a villanous fortress. I soon discovered what commitment it took to keep the place clear of webs and to dispose of the dried up corpses and it kind of lost some of its luster for a bit, up until that place was demolished under extreme prejudice. Well, it was fun for a while anyway.

Veeper says he despises giant spiders. He says the only time one should sink ones fangs into someone is to terminate that individual, not just to put them into some kind of zombie stupor, which he says is just stupid and lame. I think maybe he was somehow traumatized by a big tarantula in his youth or something.

Grinning Skull (friendfeed)

I am gratified that scientists are hard at work on artificial evil. It has been a long-held dream of the greatest thinkers in the field that a truly evil artificial intelligence could be devised in order to advance the horizons of the practical art. If given the same knowledge base, an electronic villain should not be constrained by fleshly instinct or bodily frailty in seeing through the webs of complexity when devising an evil scheme. Probabilities can be assigned and alternatives suggested, adversaries can be factored in and random mishaps or opportunities grafted onto an ongoing campaign. It would be a heck of a wingman, and I want one!

Grinning Skull (friendfeed)

Word has filtered up to us here that some feel that the site design here sucks, or that the layout is bad or deliberately dastardly. Ah, my simples, have you any idea of how much worse matters could be! Contrary to our every inclination here at evilHow, we have actually refrained from choosing the most egregious themes, for though we love to inspire disgust and dread in our victims, we are also aware that readers will not stick around for our gems of evil learning and advice if their eyes are bleeding and their insides are roiling, so it would be counterproductive to our evil education mission to make things as bad as they can be.

Still, no promises.

In any event, if anyone was wondering whether I, Grinning Skull, am personally bothered by the criticism aimed at this site into which I have invested so much of my personal attention, that person can be assured that no, such opinions concern me no more than the rubbish I grind beneath my heel. They are small concerns of small minds, which must never ever become barriers to our overarching vision. And if you fancy yourself a budding evil mastermind, but cannot see your way clear to finding your way around a trivial little website, might I suggest that you seek some other pursuit to dedicate your life toward besides single-handed global domination, if only in order to spare us the tale of your contemptible, trivial, bruised pipe dreams.

Grinning Skull (friendfeed)

I am loathe to cast aspersions on a syndicate intent on pushing its agenda onto every corner of the world, but the movie moguls backing the Swatch villain watch really ought to have known that having their bad guys (and one bad gal) appear beside a series of baubles would tarnish their reputation as credible villains. (Not to mention that the individuals in question have each been proven lacking in one way or another on the big screen, but such is the lot of the cinematic fiend.) I would have rather seen them in the forefront of the presentation, with the jewelry composited onto their wrists in a proper sort of product placement arrangement.

Not that I was privy to any of the negotiations, but I do believe that the film franchise was determined to pair with a company based in neutral Switzerland, they would have a better time going with the makers of Swiss Army Knives instead. The Jaws model could have a titanium toothpick, the Oddjob model could have an arrowhead, and so forth. It is not too far to imagine, I think.

Grinning Skull (friendfeed)

What kind of evil being would I be I if I did not try to press advertisements upon everyone in sight? Yes, I am exhorting all our readers here to spread the word of what we stand for like a toxic mold colonizing the Internets, so that that series of tubes can fester even more than it already does!

There is a long skinny ad there suitable for adorning the side column of your blog. There is a wide ad there counseling your readers to toss out their old, outdated sources of evil advice and learning in favor of this site, perfect in the banner of your homepage. There is a big, wide ad there pointing out the pitfalls in identifying magic swords, which I am certain you would be more than willing to send out by picture message to your correspondents. There is a little logo button there for signing your evil correspondence with. (Remember kids, spamming is evil.)

Let the horror spread far and wide, and let a thousand budding new malefactors descend upon this place. We are ready.

Grinning Skull (friendfeed)