Perhaps you have let slip the word that it is time to spruce up the drab grey walls of the old lair and take on a contingent of thrill-seeking young people who are attracted by the evil lifestyle. Once the word is out that your compound doors are open to those attracted by the evil scene expect there to be a long line of wannabe hangers-on and spongers to be processed with an eye to whatever valuable qualities they happen to possess. It is fascinating to watch as a parallel hierarchy among groupies establishes itself in terms of their alignments with the denizens of the lair, with those most highly favored by the most powerful members assuming a dominant position over their peers. The destruction wrought by these maneuverings occupying much of the social interactions of your guests is like a gift, not something you have to work to bring about. Still, despite these appealing features and more that one can easily bring to mind, there are certain cautionary words in order before setting out a welcome mat.
- Open season. Let people know when you are available for entertaining. Unlike musicians who have clearly designated times and places when they are free to play, evil villains often spend long hours "on the clock" and hidden away in the lab or off-planet. For a scene to materialize with you as the chief attraction, however, the prospectives need to be given places and times with some degree of access.
- Establish boundaries. You need not be overly uncomfortable about defining no-go zones for your groupies so long as there is an underlying order that is easy to administer. If there are rules for speech and touching they work best when spelled out before the situations arise.
- Earning their keep. Nothing comes for free in this world, and the life of a groupie is no exception. There is no secret that they are suffered in places where few others dare to venture only in exchange for such quid pro quo items they may themselves personally provide, possibly at some personal cost and inconvenience. Some villains prefer to run things under a rule of strict accountability, with benefits provided for considerations notated in a ledger, while others prefer to keep score in a more informal fashion, possibly with allowances made for personal caprice.
Strokes of genius
- Gladiatorial combat.
- Class warfare. By shrewdly choosing those followers you surround yourself with you can tailor your popular image, whether skewing impressions more towards a working class punk esthetic or toying with the reflected splendor of the glitterati. It is easier to do this with your groupies than with actual minions who generally have to possess specialized talents and dispositions potentially at odds with your brand message.
- Ooh la la. Naturally there is a bit of the risqué surrounding the subject of groupies, although there is not much to be said here to add to what can be gleaned from numerous other sources. Those fiends who reckon themselves the most fortunate of all have a knack for discovering hidden talent even in unlikely places that can pay dividends.
- Photo ops. An insane genius whose main goal is total galactic domination still has to be careful about paparazzi, all because of the potency of ridicule in the mass media. Those who are adept at the art of invisibility have an advantage in this area as do those whose sporting moments take place in pitch-dark shielded impenetrable caverns.
- The life cycle. It is unusual for groupies associated with crime syndicates to hop from one member in a given organization to another, simply because of the access to heavy armament. More likely a tenure is ended by the groupie's liquidation, transmutation, permanent banishment, or, in occasional instances, escape. This last possibility becomes more likely if you have above-average number of dealings with heroes or superheroes, giving you yet another reason to dislike their ilk.
Traps for mere fools
- Spies. Every evildoer thinks that it will never happen to them, only to their villainous rivals, yet the infiltration of evil lairs by agents in the guise of innocents is a ruse that never grows old.
- Parasites. Both bedbugs and the bipedal kind.
- Being outcreeped.
- Undercover cops.
- Memoir writers. Better to favor the illiterate and inarticulate.
Precious and needful
- Swimming pool.
- Intrusive surveillance.
- Guest towels.
- Winsome non-humans.
- How to be an evil consort
- How to break up with someone
- How to interest young people in evil
- How to recruit and retain henchmen
- How to worship an evil god
- How to roll with a gang of energy beings
- How to summon spirits of the dead
- How to understand warrior maidens
- How to lead barbarians to their doom
- How to get apes to accept you as their leader
- How to entertain zombies
- How to conduct a manhunt
- How to get the most from a bottomless pit
- How to control dungeon odors
- How to lead a were-army
- How to compel someone to love you
- How to root out an informer
- How to destroy the thing you created
- How to grovel
- How to read minds
- How to cast giant holograms of yourself
- How to grow plants hungry for flesh
- How to make an evil sabayon
- How to rock an evil wardrobe
- How to rule men's minds through sex
- How to serve man
- How to possess eternal youth
- How to reign over love slaves
- How to look frighteningly deranged
- How to display a mastery of wine
- How to quote from Shakespeare
- How to cook Procyonic reptoids
- How to threaten a comeback
- How to consume the less fortunate
- Image credit Hot Dummies by Zabowski
- Image credit World Sand Sculpture Festival Brighton 2005 by sculpture grrrl
- Image credit Cocktail Dresses by Chris Hunkeler
Created by: . Last Modification: Monday 27 of August, 2012 21:05:24 EDT by .